Avoiding the Darkness

Today we met with the plastic surgeon. I don’t know why, but I was very nervous about this appointment. Over the past two nights, I’ve gotten just about five hours of sleep. Last night came in with a whopping 2 hours and 24 minutes (thank you, Apple Watch).

Was it the finality of it all? The nerves of having to stand topless in front of a person I’ve never met before and have them analyze what I currently look like? Or was it knowing that this appointment is what starts the scheduling and getting everything on the books?

I think it was everything.

Finding a plastic surgeon isn’t as easy as you may think. There are a lot there, and there are a lot that have pictures that look awful as part of their portfolios. And for me, these horrible photos just raise my anxiety. Luckily, I found mine through a friend. She recently had the same surgery I’m going to have and said that she loved him and her new set. That review ticked both the boxes for me: nice and does good work. 

The Appointment

At today’s appointment, we reviewed all the different options for reconstruction, and came up with a game plan. I’m opting for the multi-surgery reconstruction due to the reduction in risk of complications.

The first surgery will be the double mastectomy, and after the breast surgeon is through, the plastic surgeon will come in and start reconstruction. They’ll place expanders into my chest and use my current tissue to create a sling to hold the implants. He explained that they used to place implants behind the muscle to keep them protected, but it turns out it’s not as necessary. This way gets a more natural look and feel.

The purpose of expanders is to create a pocket and get the sizing right for the actual implants. Each week, I’ll go into the office to receive saline injections into the expanders. They will do this until they get to the right size. After they reach the desired size, then we’ll wait about a month (I think), and then schedule the surgery to swap the expanders for the actual implants. 

I had hoped to have everything done in one surgery, but since my desired size is a C-cup, this means that doing it all in the same surgery is not recommended. 

No, I’m Not Going to Faint…I think.

After discussing the surgery and developing the game plan, the PA came in to discuss aftercare and expectations. This was the part where I was not okay. I mean, I was okay. But I was not okay. I am absolutely fine with gross stuff and other people, but gross stuff involving me? No thank you. Need a gross bandage changed? I’m there for you. Want me to change my own gross bandages or see the nastiness leaving my body? Nope. Not okay. 

Guess what this surgery requires? GROSS STUFF. Oh man. Even typing this out makes me anxious. Holy cow. Okay, so there are these things called drains, and you can google them. And I’ll have to empty them twice a day. And well, I’m not looking forward to that. In fact, I’m dreading it.

While the PA was explaining it, she stopped and asked me if I was dizzy and if I was okay, because apparently, I turned extremely red. According to Chris, I turned super red and was sort of slouching over. Here’s the thing, I wasn’t going to faint, I was just wanting to curl up into a ball like a hedgehog and not deal with gross stuff. Or at least that’s my defense. Oh man. Horrible. Yuck. Ugh. Maybe I was going to faint. Nah, I was fine. But seriously. 

Next Steps

The surgery will be planned for December or January. They are currently scheduling 6-8 weeks out, and we have a family vacation planned. They will talk with the breast surgeon to come up with dates that will work for both surgeons. Once we have those dates set, I can get on the schedule for the pre-clearance for surgery. 

After surgery, it sounds like there will be six weeks of not doing much other than existing. I’ll be sure to share when we get everything scheduled.

Since we’re waiting until December or January (apparently, new implants don’t do well at Walt Disney World) this means I’ll have to go through additional breast cancer screenings, and possibly another biopsy. My breast surgeon will let me know if that other biopsy is necessary. I’m really hoping it’s not. Because I did almost pass out with that one. Turns out, seeing a straw stabbed into my chest and sucking stuff out, isn’t on my list of tolerances. 

It’s a lot. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Thanks for reading.