Avoiding the Darkness

I can’t believe it! Wednesday, I had my final mammogram EVER!

One of my friends was very kind to come and sit with me. While we waited, she taught me how to play Pokémon, and now all I want to do is play it.

Let’s Get Squishing

The tech was very nice. We were joking with each other during the exam. I asked her about how they do mammograms after reconstruction, and she informed me they don’t! That’s when I found out this would be my final mammogram EVER!

They had to take a lot of images, which gave the tech and I plenty of time to chat. I’m sure you can guess that this was approached with comedy and movie quotes from my end. Smashing the breasts with 25 lbs. of pressure? Feels great:

I do appreciate how much the techs and medical personnel understand my decision and make me feel validated based on the data. They also say I have a great attitude about it – when they say that, I have to inform them that I have ugly cried in the shower a time or two. And let’s not talk about the stress eating I’ve done. It’s been not great.

The Radiologist

Leading up to the appointment, I knew that I was a little worried, but I didn’t realize how worried I was until it was done. After speaking with the radiologist, I felt this amazing wave of relief. The doctor reported no changes since my previous mammogram. She did inform me they didn’t get images of all of the clusters, but since I’m scheduled for the bilateral mastectomy, it wasn’t necessary to. She also said that if she were to get all of the images she wanted, it would basically be like giving me radiation therapy. It’s always nice when medical professionals joke. I totally missed the joke at first. Again, nerves.

Not to be one to be out-joked, I had to inform them that I am– like my breasts – dense.

High-Risk Assessment

Today, Chris and I went to the Hillman Cancer Center to meet with the Magee High-Risk Department. If you have a family history of breast cancer, I highly recommend going here. They were extremely informative and went over all of the options I have and the statistics for each option.

What we learned was, the bilateral mastectomy is my best course of action. The non-surgical options include taking Tamoxifen for five years and/or increase screenings (which I have done the increased screenings). Tamoxifen can lower the risk of breast cancer by 50%, which still puts my risk at 20%. Based on the side effects of the medication, and the fact that I’ll still be at a 20% risk, this option isn’t worth it for me.

My Decision

We’ve decided, based on the data, that the bilateral mastectomy is still the best course of action. After going through the surgery, my lifetime risk will be lowered to 1-2% risk of developing breast cancer. Those new odds are much better. It’s such a low risk, that I will only have to do physical exams for breast cancer, and get MRIs to make sure the implants are in good working order.

Based off of the way I felt hearing I would never have to get another mammogram, I can’t imagine how I will feel after the surgery. Every single day, the thought of “what if” weighs on my mind. No amount of meditation or distractions takes that cloud away. Knowing that there’s something that can make that cloud dissipate is what I need in my life.

I’m so grateful that I have a health team that looks at data and helps me make decisions based on facts and not emotions. For each step of this process, I have made sure to talk to people I know and trust about the options and what the stats say. This isn’t an emotional decision (though, emotions do bubble to the surface). It’s a decision based on the odds. If someone told you tonight that you had a nearly 40% chance of winning the Mega Millions, would you buy a ticket?

I know that I don’t need to rationalize my decision, but somehow I still feel like I’m overreacting, even though every medical professional I’ve met with has told me this is the right decision. In fact, the radiologist informed me that usually they try to talk people out of bilateral mastectomies, so the fact that there has been none of that says the medical professionals think this is the right course of action.

The feeling that I need to rationalize and share my stats is a deep-seated issue that has its roots spread throughout my life. I’m working on it. But I also hope that sharing this information might help someone else in a similar situation.

Be strong. Do what’s right for you. Pay attention to the statistics and peer-reviewed studies. And most importantly, keep going.

PS. I also got the letter from insurance this week confirming that the procedure is “medically necessary.” <sarcasm> Thank goodness they agree with the slew of medical professionals and tests. </sarcasm>